Failed Blogging and Faith

So...it's been a month since my last blog. Sigh...
It's funny. If I actually blogged the number of times I thought about blogging, I'd have a novel written by now. But alas, I don't and then time slips through like sand in the hour glass and gone are the days of our lives.

It's amazing how much can happen in the span of 4 weeks. It feels like life happens so quickly. It seems like yesterday was January and tomorrow students are in their last week of classes. What the...!??!!
Anyway, because it's been so long I'm not even sure what to blog about. I could tell you about how I threw my back out 2 weeks ago and now have a slipped disk, but that's really no fun to talk about. I could tell you about all the "interesting" men I am supposedly compatible with on E-Harmony lately but that's not really all that exciting and more frustrating than anything.

BUT I will tell you about the sermon that Corey preached at church today, because that's what's really on my mind...
The last few weeks we've been talking about what it really means to follow Jesus based on Acts 1. Today we talked abut Faith to Follow What We Can Not See. Points - Believe What We Can Not See; Believe What We Have Not Seen; Believe What We May Not See. It's this last one that got me the most. Can I believe and have faith knowing that I may never see it in my life time. It's easy to believe what I can see, touch, taste, feel - but then again, that's not really belief - it doesn't take faith to believe what's sitting in front of you. I feel like my faith meter has been riding pretty much on empty lately. My prayer life certainly isn't filling it up. There are so many things I need to be trusting God for but I feel like I've given up a little. I still believe, I know God can do it, but I feel like it is a lot easier to rely on what I see or what I know can happen. I want faith to believe that God can bring me a husband...but can I believe God for a spouse knowing that I may not see it? I want faith to believe that God can provide for my every need, that he can provide the $17,500 I need for next year to be fully funded. But it feels hard when I don't see the 15 new donors at $100/month that I need. I want faith to believe that God can fully heal my back and restore it to how it is supposed to be. But it feels hard when I go to move or bend and it just aches and feels compressed all the time. I want faith to believe that God can do anything I ask for that aligns with his will but I'm not even sure what his will is right now.

I feel like the disciples - oh you of little faith. Jesus has done it before, there is no reason why he can't or won't do it again. I trust that God really does have my best interest in mind, but I just can't see it right now.  Oh Lord, help my unbelief. Grow my faith. All I need is faith the size of a mustard seed...so small and yet if I just have that, I can tell the mountain to throw it self into the sea and it will happen. Increase my faith. I need faith, because with out faith it is impossible to please you, God. With out faith, I am nothing.  I feel like I'm failing in faith, Lord. Only with you can I succeed. Help me to have faith...