Hiatus

Celebrating Munirah's Birthday!!!

I've decided to take a brief hiatus from the internet this week. As a form of fasting I will not be on facebook, blogger, or any other internet website. I am going to attempt to limit my email checking to 2x's a day, as soon as I get to the office and about an hour before I leave for the day. Wish me luck and  don't miss me too much, haha!!  I'll leave you with a couple of pictures from my weekend adventures including SXSW!!

Love these ladies!

When in Austin...

Franks, a gourmet Hot Dog joint downtown Austin

Spit that rhythm!  (Taken at SXSW)

The men of Horn Bread (taken at SXSW)

Strapped

This little side walk backwoods country band was jammin!

Best way to get discovered at South by Southwest right here!

Waiting for the train to come

A few quotes to ponder...

My friend Meredith gave me the book, Shattered Dreams - God's Unexpected Pathway to Hope, a few months back. It's deep, profound and yet sometimes simple in an earth shattering sort of way. It's like the coolness of a fresh breeze that hits you in such a way that you have to take notice. It's the kind of book that I have to take in small doses, too much at once and I might be overwhelmed. I read a few chapters during a 2 day prayer retreat I took Monday and Tuesday. Since I've been sharing about what God has been teaching me thus far in Lent and these quotes are in line with my Relentless Acts of Justice devotionals, I thought I'd share a few for you to ponder...I also thought I'd have a few of the pics that I took while there.

"A profound encounter with pain brings us to make a choice. Either we change or we sink into bitterness, despair or hedonism. Either we accept the fact that life is not all about us and how we feel now and what happens here, or we push back the pain by living for satisfaction of lesser dreams that might come true."

"We are to become aware of better dreams and live for them, not only the better dreams of heaven but the better dream available now of drawing close to God. When we discover our desire for God, we can live for nothing less."

"The search to discover God requires that we abandon ourselves, that we give up control of what matters most and that we place our confidence in someone (God) we can not manage."

I'm so struck by these quotes. For me the connection between them and what I have been reflecting on in terms of the poor is that the poor are connected with their pain. They aren't trying to ignore it or push away from it, but instead have found a deeper connection with God. I'm rich. I have privilege and I have been blessed. But, these past months have been painful and losing family, friends, relationships have caused me to grieve and mourn. I've stepped into pain and this time I am choosing to change and not just push it back for the satisfaction of lesser dreams. My hope is, in that, I will encounter my desire for God in a deeper and more profound way than ever. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for the Kingdom of heaven is theirs. I'm learning to embrace my spiritual depravity. 

Pillows

I took a nap today with out my pillow. It was terrible. I never realized how much I valued it before. Sometimes I complain about my pillows being too soft or too hard. But not using one today proved how much I take it for granted. It was a short nap, about 30 min. I spent much of the time tossing and turning trying to get comfortable because as soon as I had my arm in a positions that could cradle my head decently, my hand would fall asleep. 

Why nap with out a pillow you might ask. Good question. I have three on my bed at all times so it was certainly not from lack of availability.  The Relentless Acts of Justice devo today was on worthlessness. It told the story of a woman and her three children who often went with out...without food, blankets, money for school fees. Our challenge for the week was to go with out something physical.  There were a few examples and sleeping pillow free was one of them. I wanted to respond immediately so I napped with out one. 

As I get ready for bed, I am contemplating what to do. This in itself reminds me of the privilege and freedom that I have. I have a choice, pillow or no pillow. Standing in solidarity with the poor, even momentarily, can bring discomfort. No matter what I decide for tonight, as I lay my head down to sleep I am more aware of the millions of men, women and children who not only are pillow-less but perhaps have no bed at all.  Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord OUR souls to keep...

Excuses

I'm eating homemade chocolate chip pancakes with a banana strawberry sauce. Should have taken a picture, they were delicious. Today I am taking my sabbath instead of tomorrow because tomorrow will be really busy. This means no work today. But already I checked email. My excuse was I needed to get my Relentless Act of Justice devotion for the day. It's true, but it didn't mean I needed to open everything else as well. 

Of course as I read the devotional for today it was on obstacles. Obstacles that might come up as I walk through this Lenten season and asking myself how I will deal with the tension and discomfort that relentlessly acting on justice can inevitably bring.  I know exactly how I want dealt with them. Avoidance and excuses. I mean, who wants to deal with tension and discomfort when you can go get a massage to relive tension and prop yourself up with a comfy pillow to ease discomfort.  This has been my life. A life of mild excuses or fantasy to help me avoid the deeper discomfort and tension, but the last 6 months, or really the last year has made me look at my "need to avoid pain" and start to deal with it. I made a decision when I was in Canada that I needed to sit with pain, I needed to press in deeper and I needed to deal with the tension and discomfort of life. I wasn't always good at it. I often still made excuses. But I learned. I learned that going deeper and being real has a freedom. I learned that not having everything go my way is a gift from God. I have obstacles in my life, comforts that I don't like giving up that are popping up around every corner. It's easy to make excuses, but it's worth sitting in the tension and discomfort in order to learn all that God has for me. 

I may make it all 40 days of Lent and do every devotional and embrace every tension and discomfort that these devotionals bring my way. But more likely than not, I'll miss a day, choose comfort over discomfort and go get a massage to ease away the tension. However, I want to try. I want to press in. I want to learn and grow. I want God to draw me closer to him and into deeper intimacy with him. Jesus suffered, the poor suffer, who am I to avoid it. No more excuses...

Lenten Goals

40 days - The amount of time that the Israelites spent wandering in the dessert because they were stubborn. 40 days - The amount of time Jesus spent in the wilderness being tempted by the devil (and totally over-coming, I might add). 40 days- The longest a person can go with out food before bodily functions start shutting down. 40 days - The amount of days I am going to attempt to blog my Lenten reflections (we'll see how this goes). 

Today for Radical Acts of Justice we are challenged to consider what you want to learn from God in this season asking ourselves the questions, "In what ways do you want your heart to break for the things that break the heart of God?" Then spending 10 minutes thinking and praying through the possibilities and writing down at least 2 main goals.

My goals for lent are:

1.  I want God to break my heart for what breaks His and show me practical ways to respond.

2. I want God to teach me more about the issue of Human Trafficking and poverty in our society. 

God, break my heart for what breaks yours. Show me I can love the way that you love. Help me to see people not with my eyes, but yours. Help me not to turn a deaf ear to the cries of your people. Help me not to just have head knowledge but to take practical steps to serve. Jesus, make me more like you.

Amen...

Reality and Lent

As I sit in Panera Bread sipping a hot chai latte and eating a cinnamon crunch bagel with hazelnut cream cheese, I am struck with a thought..."I just ate someone's daily wage." It's true. More than 1/2 of the worlds population lives on less than $2.50 a day. That's $17.50 a week. That's about what my friend Stefanie and I spent on lunch today, and we were excited that it was so cheap. 

The reality of our world is difficult to stomach sometimes. I take what I have for granted. Now I'm not saying that God is looking down on me and shaking his head in disgust at my enjoyment of food and drink, but I do think that he desires me to use my resources wisely and to remember the poor. 

This week marks the beginning of the holiest season in the liturgical year. Lent is a time of fasting, repenting, self-examination, anticipation, engagement, and letting go. It's the 40 day period between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday. As a way of participating in Lent I'll be going through World Vision's Relentless Acts of Justice. 

Today we were challenged to list our luxuries in a few different categories...
•    Money
•    Health
•    Disease
•    Faith
•    Freedom
•    Education  
The challenge was to list 20-40 ways we are privileged in these ways. Here's some of what I came up with

• Money - have enough money in my checking account to: pay my rent, utilities bill, cell phone bill, groceries, gas, car insurance, sponsor a child through world vision, give to 5 IV staff workers, go out to eat a few times or buy something new in a month. I have both a checking and a savings account that both have some money in it. I own a car, cell phone, computer, i-pod, camera, gps, a closet (and draws) full of clothes, shoes, a house in Tampa and lots of furniture. 
• Health/Disease - I have health insurance. I can go to the doctor whenever I need to. I have a dentist, eye doctor and family practice doctor that all take my insurance. I've never been hospitalized for more than a bad case of the flu and to get my tonsils out. I've been to the emergency room only 3 x's for a broken collar bone (age 3), a fractured wrist (age 13) and a broken hand (age 32) - nothing major. I've never been diagnosed with anything more than seasonal allergies and lactose intolerance.When I partially tore my ACL I was treated and sent to PT. None of my immediate family has been diagnosed with a life threatening disease. My mom was healed from a pituitary tumor and had both me and my brother. 
• Faith - I was raised in a religious home, had a faith background since I was born, have the freedom to worship freely anytime/anywhere I choose, I can openly share my faith with out risk of punishment, persecution or death. My parents/family accept my faith, my parents follow Jesus. I work freely for a faith based organization. I can go to church with out having to hide or fear. I know Jesus, I have hope!!
• Freedom - as a woman I am free to have any job that I want, I can go places by myself, I can shop where ever I want, I can drive and take myself places. I have a car. I can travel freely. Jesus has set me free from sin. I am treated fairly and am not imprisoned - physically or mentally.
• Education - I have a college degree, I went to private pre-school, elementary, middle-school, high school and college. I have taken master level classes. I can read, write, think strategically, communicate clearly. I can teach others. I can go back to school full time if I choose

This exercise was humbling. I am privileged. I have been blessed. I have so much. I have more than I really need. There is so much more I could list. I am grateful and humbled. 

 

Lord, help me not to take any of these things for granted. Help me not to hold onto any of them selfishly, but realize that each of these things belong to you. Help me to use the resources that you bless me with to bless others and help make this world right again.

Amen...