There's Something About Love...

L - is for the way you look at me
O - is for the only one I see
V - is very very extraordinary
E - is even more than any one that I adore
For some time this Nate King Cole song has been a favorite of mine. I can't remember which movie made me first fall for it, but I know it was some cheesy romantic comedy.
There is something to be said about love. What is it really - a feeling, a choice, an action, all of the above. An experience, a journey, something we all long for. Something to give and receive. A word you speak, actions you take, emotions you feel, commitments and covenants you make. Love is a four letter word that has more definitions, side-affects and consequences than any other word. There's just something about love.

I was at a wedding over the 4th of July weekend. I love weddings. I also, well, not hate them because hate is a strong word, but maybe, well, hate them.  But mostly I love them. I love to see a groom standing in front anticipating his bride walking through the door. I love watching the bride walk down the aisle on her fathers arm. I love the beauty of seeing bride and groom make there vows and become one before God. I love the kiss, the celebrating, the food, the dancing and the cake. I love it.
What I hate is when it's a wedding that I'm not thrilled about or when it's over the top and people spend too much money on the decorations and forget to invite Jesus into it. And mostly I hate the way my heart twists in a tug of war of being overly ecstatic for the couple before me and aching for it to one day be me standing there. But like I said before, I mostly love them.

And I loved the wedding I was at last weekend. I loved it because they were friends of mine. I loved it because it a simple and beautiful ceremony. I loved it because of the way they honored God. I loved it because of the way they stood before each other is obvious delightful love. But mostly I loved it because I knew James' story and for me it was a reminder that one relationship not working out and waiting on the Lord, in the end, is totally worth it. God knows best. I saw that at this wedding. Had it been 3 years ago at a wedding that could have happened, I would have felt differently. I might still have gone because of friendship, but I wouldn't have been happy to see the wedding. This was it though. James and Katie are together because they waited on the Lord. It gives me hope. Theirs is a love that is real. It's not with out struggle, or conflict but it is real. It came on the heels of heartache and tears from past losses which now fade into the distance.

Sometimes my heart still aches and longs for what was lost with him. It's not so much the man but the dream. Sometimes I chastise myself for feeling that way.  But I'm a woman who loves deeply, passionately and falls hard. And loss is loss. It hurts. It sucks. But it's, in a weird way, worth it.

Life, true life, only comes after death.  The death of one relationship is the only way to give birth to another. Do I know when that day is coming? No. Will it come in the form, fashion and manner I desire? I have no idea. But I know that whatever it is, it will be worth it. That, I was reminded of on Saturday June 2 and I watch my friend James' eyes light up as his bride walked down the aisle.

Oh, and I look good that day. My friends and I we looked real good.

sigh...

I'm a lousy blogger. I have good intentions, but alas, I fail to follow through...oh well. I'll get back in the game soon. 

I've been visiting family and friends in Florida and although I would love to blog about it, I've been to busy having fun with them! Before that I moved. So needless to say life has been crazy...fun, joy-filled, a little stress-full at times (I HATE MOVING)... I'll put up pictures of it all soon. 

For now, I just wanted to let you know that I really do still exist!

30 Day Journal Challenge...

I'm not an artist, never have really claimed to me. But I love being creative. I love photography, card making and sometimes will dabble here and there with re-purposing things like my friend Karisse talks about here as a guest blogger. So, when I read about a 30 Day Journal Challenge I got excited and decided to participate. It's been lovely! I'm enjoying the prompts and the chance to express myself creatively.

I must confess that I had to make it a goal of mine to not compare my journal to anyone else. I have a tendency to look down on my artistic abilities as not any good. It all stems back to an owl I made in art class in 4th grade. I was pretty proud of that owl, my teacher, however, wasn't as impressed. Sadly her comment about it not being a good idea to gt my hopes up of being an artist one day dashed my dreams and made me slightly insecure when it came to art work. In fact, it wasn't until I met Karisse's mom that I felt free to express my creative side. There was something really special about that lady...she made you feel like an artist.

Anyway, back to the journal...I accepted the challenge and am on day 9 (which I am about to complete!)....here are the ones I've done so far :) 

My Goals for the 30 Day Challenge

What I've got happening in the month of June

We had to draw what we wish we were wearing that day...

I loved doing this one! Thinking through what my summer traditions were. I got creative and used some mixed media with stickers that I have from scrap booking.

A love letter to myself

A love letter to someone else - my parents in this case

My Time Capsule...its a work in progress

Free Yoga!!

Have I ever mentioned how much I absolutely LOVE free stuff. I mean who doesn't!? That's why I was so excited to go to a free Yoga class this morning at a REAL yoga studio. That's right, not just some class at 24 hr fitness but an actual Yoga studio painted in fun "zen-full" colors. It was hot yoga, which meant 110 degrees...you leave looking like you jumped in a pool you're so drenched with sweat. I loved every minute of it. I got a group-on when I was in Canada for Hot Yoga. It was 10 days for $10. I went 3 days in a row, then Tim and I broke up and I missed out on the rest of the classes. Sigh...but today made up for it all. I went with a few friends. It was awesome, and did I mention it was free!? Yoga studios are so expensive. But they did give out a 10 classes for $10 coupon...no one to break up with me this time, maybe I should give it another shot!

A Thousand Questions

I watched this again this morning. I am using it in a talk for Rec Week where I am speaking on the Creation and then the Fall. It's powerful. A little long, but totally worth it.

The Beginning of the End...

A few weeks ago my roomies and I had an impromptu prayer time. We realized that we needed to make a decision about our housing situation. Crystal is getting married, Dana is thinking about moving out of state (or at least Austin) and that left Munirah and I. We prayed to seek direction, who we should invite to live with us or if we needed to leave our house. At the end of the time Munirah shared, "I heard this is the beginning of the end." We were't sure what it meant at the time, we do now.

It's hard moving. I hate it actually. I've moved 4 times in the 3 years I've lived in Austin. Ridiculous. All I ask for is a little stability. Nope, not gonna happen. Munirah and I asked all the people we could think of, but not one could commit to a year long lease with us. Dana feels it's best that she move. Crystal is still getting married and actually got a job in Dallas that starts next week.

Munirah, Me and Crystal

Crazy at Christmas

Its the beginning of the end for our little community. I'm sad. I've really loved living here. This house has been a refuge. A place of MUCH laughter, singing, dancing, and partying. It's been a place where I can cry openly, pray always and worship freely. I'm going to miss Crystal and Dana dearly.

The good news is that Muni and I found an apartment today! It's big - 1,280 sq feet. 2 bed 2 bath and for under $900 which was our limit. Good times. Downside is it's on the 3rd floor with no elevator. That's gonna be a bugger to move in and out of. But at least we have a place. The Park at Walnut Creek. Nice name, huh. 

On the Road...

Ever since I was a little girl my family has done road trips. Mostly we drove the 13 hours from our house in Florida to my Papaw and Mamaw's house in Kentucky. One year we did drive from Florida to Maine which was pretty awesome, but since I wasn't driving then I mainly read or watched movies with my brother instead of really soaking in the sights.
But I do believe that all those hours in the car set my heart up for loving road trips. I took several in college and loved each one.  I've always dreamt of driving up the coast of Northern California through the winding roads of the coast and through the Redwood Forest, last week I got to do just that.
One of my dearest friends from college, Karisse, asked me to join her on a road trip from LA to Portland and I jumped at the opportunity.

in Santa Cruz

In San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge with our mascot friend Mikaila

 We took the drive slow and enjoyed each moment. In a way, it was a chance to celebrate 14 years of friendship and to celebrate life. Where we are right now is not not where we expected, what we are doing right now is not what we expected. Singleness in our 30's is not what we expected. Cancer, death, heartbreak, is not what we expected. 14 years ago when we were freshmen neither of us would have predicted that we would be where we are...

we got to drive through a tree!

Look, Big foot is real!

 But it's been an amazing journey that neither of us would change because of the things that we have learned from it. Do we wish that things could have gone differently, yes. Do we see God's plan in it all, sometimes. Has it been worth it, in the end. For me, road trips signify and remind me of the way that I need to live life. As a journey that I take slow and enjoy the stops along the way. Like the unexpected pit stops because you see something that catches the corner of your eye that you've just got to see for yourself, life is full of things that can catch you off guard but if you take the chance it could end up the best part of the journey. 

Standing in a Red Wood

Breathtaking

So big! So magnificent!

Karisse was right, this was darn good coffee

dancing on the beach

Karisse's favorite flowers

Elk! Right off the road

My Favorite random pit stop of all. Paul Bunyan and his faithful bull, Babe...

This road trip was redeeming for me. I had passed it up once before for a boy that broke my heart. But not this time. This time we made the trip, we laughed, we cried, we drove. Maybe a little like Thelma and Louise. Oh, and we took pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. (I would show you more, but already I have way too many for one blog post.) This trip was about friendship. A friendship that had spanned a decade and more than a thousand miles. Thanks Karisse!