Failed Blogging and Faith

So...it's been a month since my last blog. Sigh...
It's funny. If I actually blogged the number of times I thought about blogging, I'd have a novel written by now. But alas, I don't and then time slips through like sand in the hour glass and gone are the days of our lives.

It's amazing how much can happen in the span of 4 weeks. It feels like life happens so quickly. It seems like yesterday was January and tomorrow students are in their last week of classes. What the...!??!!
Anyway, because it's been so long I'm not even sure what to blog about. I could tell you about how I threw my back out 2 weeks ago and now have a slipped disk, but that's really no fun to talk about. I could tell you about all the "interesting" men I am supposedly compatible with on E-Harmony lately but that's not really all that exciting and more frustrating than anything.

BUT I will tell you about the sermon that Corey preached at church today, because that's what's really on my mind...
The last few weeks we've been talking about what it really means to follow Jesus based on Acts 1. Today we talked abut Faith to Follow What We Can Not See. Points - Believe What We Can Not See; Believe What We Have Not Seen; Believe What We May Not See. It's this last one that got me the most. Can I believe and have faith knowing that I may never see it in my life time. It's easy to believe what I can see, touch, taste, feel - but then again, that's not really belief - it doesn't take faith to believe what's sitting in front of you. I feel like my faith meter has been riding pretty much on empty lately. My prayer life certainly isn't filling it up. There are so many things I need to be trusting God for but I feel like I've given up a little. I still believe, I know God can do it, but I feel like it is a lot easier to rely on what I see or what I know can happen. I want faith to believe that God can bring me a husband...but can I believe God for a spouse knowing that I may not see it? I want faith to believe that God can provide for my every need, that he can provide the $17,500 I need for next year to be fully funded. But it feels hard when I don't see the 15 new donors at $100/month that I need. I want faith to believe that God can fully heal my back and restore it to how it is supposed to be. But it feels hard when I go to move or bend and it just aches and feels compressed all the time. I want faith to believe that God can do anything I ask for that aligns with his will but I'm not even sure what his will is right now.

I feel like the disciples - oh you of little faith. Jesus has done it before, there is no reason why he can't or won't do it again. I trust that God really does have my best interest in mind, but I just can't see it right now.  Oh Lord, help my unbelief. Grow my faith. All I need is faith the size of a mustard seed...so small and yet if I just have that, I can tell the mountain to throw it self into the sea and it will happen. Increase my faith. I need faith, because with out faith it is impossible to please you, God. With out faith, I am nothing.  I feel like I'm failing in faith, Lord. Only with you can I succeed. Help me to have faith...

Dinner for One

I love to cook. I know that I've mentioned it before, but I really do. I find cooking to be a therapeutic, creative outlet.
Mostly I cook for myself. Some people are super impressed that I put just as much effort into cooking for myself as I do when I am cooking for friends. I don't understand. I mean, aren't I worth a good meal? I think that I am.
I know a lot of single people - both men and women - that say they'll start cooking when they get married.  Or maybe if they have people over, maybe they'll cook then. But I don't want to wait. Last I checked the Lord had not promised me a husband and there are no men running to be in line (that I know of!). And as much as I love to have friends over, it's not quite as often as I would like. I don't want to be a sandwich and cereal kinda  girl. I love being a foodie and I will not hold off  my foodie qualities until prince charming rides into town and falls off his horse, tripping over himself to sit down in my kitchen.
If I had more time I would cook even more.
I was thinking about this today, partly - to be perfectly honest - because I thought about the quote, " A way to a man's heart is through his stomach" while I was making dinner tonight. I laughed and thought to myself, it's the way to my heart too!
And I smiled as I continued to breath in the aroma of garlic and onions. I would love to have a husband to feed. One day maybe I will. Until then I will tantalize my taste buds and those of friends with mouthwatering delectable kitchen creations.
Here's what I made for myself this weekend... (Not pictured: Dulce de Leche Crepes with strawberry compote that I made Saturday night for dessert...maybe I'll have it again, I have extra crepes!)

Squash, Zucchini, Green Beans, Red Onion, Spinach, EVOO, 2 Cloves Chopped Garlic

Topped with a Thai Peanut Sauce (recipe is surprisingly easy for the sauce)...divine!

Spinach, Garlic, Asparagus, and Soy Cheese wrapped in homemade crepes...yummy!

 

Pin My Interest

Pinterest is a beautiful thing. I'm not quite addicted, but I have to watch myself because it's tempting! Last weekend was a pinterest weekend. It was dreary and rainy outside and happy, cheery, crafty inside!!

My blank Canvas

Flowerly petals

a work in progress

All done!! See inspiration here

I've made a bunch of amazing recipes lately from Pinterest like Avocado Egg Salad , Roasted Tomato Soup, Roasted Vegetable Toastados, and more!

Tonight I created my own pinterest to post. Since December I have been dairy free. I've been feeling sooo much better. This decision was due to 2 things...
1. Every time i ate dairy I got ridiculously bloated and constipated...not cool
2. My mom told me that I was allergic to milk as a baby...really mom!?! 32 years later you decide to tell me this!
Anyway, since being diary free I've been looking for some alternatives for cheese, milk etc. For the most part I just eat different things that taste just fine with out dairy but lately I've been craving pizza. So I googled Vegan Pizza and found that a lot of people where diggin Daiya as a good cheese alternative.  It was great! It was cheesy and melty and made me happy that I could make pizza...

Here's my tasty pizza creation

I started with a Roasted Herb Pizza Crust from Whole Foods and drizzled a little EVOO and some kosher salt

as an alternative to pepperoni I used Turkey Salami on top of my garlic and onion Newman's Own sauce. The man at Whole Foods recommended that I put the salami under the cheese so that it wouldn't dry out!

I then added my new best friend, Daiya shreds

Red Onions, Mushrooms, Kalmatta Olives, Minced Garlic and Spinach were my other toppings of choice for the evening

Add a glass of White Zinfandel and dinner is served...look at how melty the cheese is!!

Nothing but everything

I want to blog. Really I do. But right now I am exhausted. I thought today would be a good day to blog because I wasn't on campus until 11pm. But instead I cooked dinner will 9:30pm watched 2 episodes of House on hulu and am now staring at my computer falling asleep. But I did want to share my top 5 cool things that are happening/have happened this week...

1. Had over 90 students come to large group for a another week in a row!
2. Got to have coffee with my new friend Maruxa today
3. I made a yummy pinterest recipe for dinner
4. My friend Melissa go us tickets to see Wicked tomorrow afternoon!
5. Friday I am on a plane to San Jose for my friend Sabrina's wedding!!!

There is much more I could say, but I really am about to fall asleep!

Good night world.

Decisions and Static Cling

Sometimes decisions can be detrimental. They make me crazy. I get anxious and fidgety. I hate being indecisive. But alas it happens. But not anymore, well at least not for this decision. I made mention in my last blog that I have decided to stay in Austin and with InterVarsity. Since making this decision a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel free, happy, passionate and at peace. Sure there are some parts that feel a twinge bittersweet but the sweetness is outweighing the bitter.

There is something about making a decision that is empowering, emboldening and enlightening. The answer sits before you, you know what you should do and when you reach out for it, grab it and say, This is it - it just feels right.

Making this decision has made me turn to the Lord even more. Every morning I've been waking up mostly with out my alarm. I love this. I love awaking gently and wanting to get up with out being shocked out of sleep by some annoying technological devise that is trying to rule my life. Every morning I've sat up slowly, told Jesus good morning and gone straight into prayer. It's not even conscience, it just happens. I think my heart, mind and soul are just longing for a little more of God and it's been so good.

This little, simple morning routine is changing the way I see my day, the way I do my work, the way I interact with people. I don't want to lose this. I pray I wouldn't lose this.

I pray it would stick with me like my clothes stuck together this morning. Sigh...I transition...

So, do you remember the commercial where the girl had on a cute skirt with a sock stuck on the back. It was a commercial for Bounce. I use bounce. I love dryer sheets and fabric softener. I've never been with out it. My mom has a list of alternative for dryer sheets hanging up in her laundry room at home. But this morning I had no dryer sheets. I should have asked Munirah to borrow her fabric softener. But I thought, it'll be fine. I wish I had remembered the commercial then. I knew something was wrong when I pulled one thing out of the dryer and three other things came with it. I knew something was wrong when I heard gentle crackling in my clothes. Oh the sound of static electricity. If I were an elementary school teacher who was getting ready for a lesson this would have been exciting, but it wasn't and I'm not. I guess I need to put dryer sheets or fabric softener on my grocery list...which by the way is filling up with food items for recipes found on Pintrest...but that's for another entry.

Good bye 2011, Hello 2012

Here it is, 2012. Can you believe how quickly 2011 went by. It seems like yesterday I was ringing in the New Year in Tampa with friends...oh wait, that was yesterday...I guess it's an annual thing now, hope to keep up the tradition. This year I got to dance the night away with Michael Jackson and a little bubbly...the sparkling cider kind that is. The Michael Jackson Experience kept us movin and groovin the night away. Too bad I left my camera in the car.
I spent time yesterday reflecting month by month on what happened in 2011. There were some joyous moments: Redeeming conversation with an old boyfriend, Road trip with Karisse, Poland, time with family and friends, hosting and directing our regions first Black student conference. Some hard times: My Aunt Corine passing in January, Papaw passing in September, Rough time with roommates and friends, serious spiritual attack and a lot of doubt and anxiety with work.
Over all, it was a year of very mixed emotions. Some real highs and some real lows. But I wouldn't change anything because I'm realizing that God sets everything up for a reason and there is a chance to learn in grow. Whether in moments of laughter or tears there is something significant happening.

In 2012 I have two hopes.
1. That I would fully embrace the season that I'm in and be settled in God's will for me to be in Austin for the next 3 years.
2. I would become more fully aware of my gifts, talents and flaws and work on them in order to become more fully who I am.

I could say I want to eat better, work out more, explore more of Austin, spend more time with Jesus and even fall in love and get married in 2012, find the perfect community to live with, travel more, work to be fully funded, etc.  If I had resolutions those would be on there, however realistic or unrealistic they may be. But the bottom line is I want 2012 to be a year of days. Taking each day at a time learning to fall more in love with Jesus, asking him to guide me, shed light where light needs to shine and trusting Him more. It is said that if I seek first His Kingdom everything else falls into place. So Lord, your face I seek.