Pillows

I took a nap today with out my pillow. It was terrible. I never realized how much I valued it before. Sometimes I complain about my pillows being too soft or too hard. But not using one today proved how much I take it for granted. It was a short nap, about 30 min. I spent much of the time tossing and turning trying to get comfortable because as soon as I had my arm in a positions that could cradle my head decently, my hand would fall asleep. 

Why nap with out a pillow you might ask. Good question. I have three on my bed at all times so it was certainly not from lack of availability.  The Relentless Acts of Justice devo today was on worthlessness. It told the story of a woman and her three children who often went with out...without food, blankets, money for school fees. Our challenge for the week was to go with out something physical.  There were a few examples and sleeping pillow free was one of them. I wanted to respond immediately so I napped with out one. 

As I get ready for bed, I am contemplating what to do. This in itself reminds me of the privilege and freedom that I have. I have a choice, pillow or no pillow. Standing in solidarity with the poor, even momentarily, can bring discomfort. No matter what I decide for tonight, as I lay my head down to sleep I am more aware of the millions of men, women and children who not only are pillow-less but perhaps have no bed at all.  Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord OUR souls to keep...

Excuses

I'm eating homemade chocolate chip pancakes with a banana strawberry sauce. Should have taken a picture, they were delicious. Today I am taking my sabbath instead of tomorrow because tomorrow will be really busy. This means no work today. But already I checked email. My excuse was I needed to get my Relentless Act of Justice devotion for the day. It's true, but it didn't mean I needed to open everything else as well. 

Of course as I read the devotional for today it was on obstacles. Obstacles that might come up as I walk through this Lenten season and asking myself how I will deal with the tension and discomfort that relentlessly acting on justice can inevitably bring.  I know exactly how I want dealt with them. Avoidance and excuses. I mean, who wants to deal with tension and discomfort when you can go get a massage to relive tension and prop yourself up with a comfy pillow to ease discomfort.  This has been my life. A life of mild excuses or fantasy to help me avoid the deeper discomfort and tension, but the last 6 months, or really the last year has made me look at my "need to avoid pain" and start to deal with it. I made a decision when I was in Canada that I needed to sit with pain, I needed to press in deeper and I needed to deal with the tension and discomfort of life. I wasn't always good at it. I often still made excuses. But I learned. I learned that going deeper and being real has a freedom. I learned that not having everything go my way is a gift from God. I have obstacles in my life, comforts that I don't like giving up that are popping up around every corner. It's easy to make excuses, but it's worth sitting in the tension and discomfort in order to learn all that God has for me. 

I may make it all 40 days of Lent and do every devotional and embrace every tension and discomfort that these devotionals bring my way. But more likely than not, I'll miss a day, choose comfort over discomfort and go get a massage to ease away the tension. However, I want to try. I want to press in. I want to learn and grow. I want God to draw me closer to him and into deeper intimacy with him. Jesus suffered, the poor suffer, who am I to avoid it. No more excuses...

Lenten Goals

40 days - The amount of time that the Israelites spent wandering in the dessert because they were stubborn. 40 days - The amount of time Jesus spent in the wilderness being tempted by the devil (and totally over-coming, I might add). 40 days- The longest a person can go with out food before bodily functions start shutting down. 40 days - The amount of days I am going to attempt to blog my Lenten reflections (we'll see how this goes). 

Today for Radical Acts of Justice we are challenged to consider what you want to learn from God in this season asking ourselves the questions, "In what ways do you want your heart to break for the things that break the heart of God?" Then spending 10 minutes thinking and praying through the possibilities and writing down at least 2 main goals.

My goals for lent are:

1.  I want God to break my heart for what breaks His and show me practical ways to respond.

2. I want God to teach me more about the issue of Human Trafficking and poverty in our society. 

God, break my heart for what breaks yours. Show me I can love the way that you love. Help me to see people not with my eyes, but yours. Help me not to turn a deaf ear to the cries of your people. Help me not to just have head knowledge but to take practical steps to serve. Jesus, make me more like you.

Amen...

Reality and Lent

As I sit in Panera Bread sipping a hot chai latte and eating a cinnamon crunch bagel with hazelnut cream cheese, I am struck with a thought..."I just ate someone's daily wage." It's true. More than 1/2 of the worlds population lives on less than $2.50 a day. That's $17.50 a week. That's about what my friend Stefanie and I spent on lunch today, and we were excited that it was so cheap. 

The reality of our world is difficult to stomach sometimes. I take what I have for granted. Now I'm not saying that God is looking down on me and shaking his head in disgust at my enjoyment of food and drink, but I do think that he desires me to use my resources wisely and to remember the poor. 

This week marks the beginning of the holiest season in the liturgical year. Lent is a time of fasting, repenting, self-examination, anticipation, engagement, and letting go. It's the 40 day period between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday. As a way of participating in Lent I'll be going through World Vision's Relentless Acts of Justice. 

Today we were challenged to list our luxuries in a few different categories...
•    Money
•    Health
•    Disease
•    Faith
•    Freedom
•    Education  
The challenge was to list 20-40 ways we are privileged in these ways. Here's some of what I came up with

• Money - have enough money in my checking account to: pay my rent, utilities bill, cell phone bill, groceries, gas, car insurance, sponsor a child through world vision, give to 5 IV staff workers, go out to eat a few times or buy something new in a month. I have both a checking and a savings account that both have some money in it. I own a car, cell phone, computer, i-pod, camera, gps, a closet (and draws) full of clothes, shoes, a house in Tampa and lots of furniture. 
• Health/Disease - I have health insurance. I can go to the doctor whenever I need to. I have a dentist, eye doctor and family practice doctor that all take my insurance. I've never been hospitalized for more than a bad case of the flu and to get my tonsils out. I've been to the emergency room only 3 x's for a broken collar bone (age 3), a fractured wrist (age 13) and a broken hand (age 32) - nothing major. I've never been diagnosed with anything more than seasonal allergies and lactose intolerance.When I partially tore my ACL I was treated and sent to PT. None of my immediate family has been diagnosed with a life threatening disease. My mom was healed from a pituitary tumor and had both me and my brother. 
• Faith - I was raised in a religious home, had a faith background since I was born, have the freedom to worship freely anytime/anywhere I choose, I can openly share my faith with out risk of punishment, persecution or death. My parents/family accept my faith, my parents follow Jesus. I work freely for a faith based organization. I can go to church with out having to hide or fear. I know Jesus, I have hope!!
• Freedom - as a woman I am free to have any job that I want, I can go places by myself, I can shop where ever I want, I can drive and take myself places. I have a car. I can travel freely. Jesus has set me free from sin. I am treated fairly and am not imprisoned - physically or mentally.
• Education - I have a college degree, I went to private pre-school, elementary, middle-school, high school and college. I have taken master level classes. I can read, write, think strategically, communicate clearly. I can teach others. I can go back to school full time if I choose

This exercise was humbling. I am privileged. I have been blessed. I have so much. I have more than I really need. There is so much more I could list. I am grateful and humbled. 

 

Lord, help me not to take any of these things for granted. Help me not to hold onto any of them selfishly, but realize that each of these things belong to you. Help me to use the resources that you bless me with to bless others and help make this world right again.

Amen...

Dear Anthropologie...

Imagine me in a kitchen...

Dear Anthropologie,

My friend Karisse and I really love your store. We enjoy pretty much everything we've ever seen in there. But alas, we always come out empty handed. Why oh why must you be so expensive? If you were just a tad bit less expensive my green dresser would be oh so chic with the fabulous knobs that you sell. Please, please have a ridiculous sale, 75% off would be nice. Or maybe a Group On?? I think that could be a tremendously wonderful idea. I have many more ideas if you are interested. But mainly, I'm just asking you to remember the little people...those of us that might have small budgets but fabulous taste. 

Sincerely,

Michelle

I'm dreaming of drinking tea from this fabulous cup!

Oh how chic my dresser would be with these knobs!

These were some of Karisse's favorites

Come on, can't they please be on sale

Slightly Addicted...

Confession. I have an addiction. I can't stop. I can't help it. I am officially addicted to the Hunger Games series. These books are fascinating, intriguing, disturbing and addicting.  These books have made me laugh, scream, cry and go crazy with wondering what's going to happen.
My Uncle gave me the trilogy for Christmas and I have to admit that when I read the back of the first book, The Hunger Games, I thought to myself, "really Uncle Chuck? You must not know me at all." I didn't think I would read them, much less not be able to put them down.
I am 3/4 of the way through the second book, Catching Fire. I had to make myself take a short break. When reading book 1 I found myself so engrossed that I almost skipped our super bowl party to finish the book. My roommate, Muni, laughed at me. Last night there was no more laughing as I gave her the Hunger Games and found herself so deeply engrossed that she read 3/4 of the book in on sitting. Today as she was on her way out the door and saw that she had 10 more minutes  I found her sitting on the couch, and you guessed it, reading! Addicting I tell you.
Ok, now it's time for me to get another quick fix. I think I can finish it before Bible Study Fellowship tonight. I won't be late to that, I promise!

Savoring the Sabbath

We sat for 3 hours on our back porch today. Sipping cool water while we bathed in the warm sunlight as a cool breeze danced across our faces. We laughed heartily and loudly as we reminisced telling stories of friends and as we try to decide which of the Oscar nominated movies we would watch later in the evening.
Sabbath, a gift to savor and delight in. It's one of the greatest things that I learned from my time in Vancouver that I have implemented into my life.  Sabbath, God's gift to us. A day we are called to cease from striving, cease from accomplishment, a day where we cease trying to be God.  It's a day to worship, be in community and feast.
My first class at Regent during Spring session was Sabbath Keeping. I took it with a bit of hesitation for two reason, it was at 8am and I was on sabbatical ant the thought of having to catch the bus by 7:40am didn't sound very restful to me; and because I knew that I would be convicted by the fact that I wasn't currently keeping the Sabbath or at least not fully.  Well, a week of waking at 7am to leave by 7:40am proved to be worth it. I learned so much. The teacher was good, the discussion was stimulating, but it was God's conviction and my implementation that made the class worth it.
I realize the beauty and the fullness of sabbath, when I wake up Monday morning feeling well rested.
I realize the beauty and the fullness of sabbath while I am worshiping in my car on the way to church, at church and as i come home from church. And it's not just the music that causes me to worship, it's the beauty that I see around me, the laughter of my friends, the prayers that we pray, the preaching of the word, the ways I see God in the big, and the small. In the grandness and simplicity of who He is and what he has done.  
I see the beauty and fullness of sabbath in community with family and friends both near and far. What a delight it is to laugh and talk with people that I love. It brings me so much joy to just sit for hours and not have to worry about rushing off to do something else. 
I see the beauty and the fullness of sabbath in the ways that I try to eat more simply during the week so that what I eat for sabbath seems that much more like a feast. Some, dare I say most people that I know, hate or at least don't really like cooking. Not me. I love it. There are moments during the week when I cook that I savor every bite that I take because it's so delightful. I'm trying to make sabbath that and more.
Sabbath, a day to savor, to delight in, to look forward to.  Sabbath, a day that teaches us to let God fully be in control. Sabbath, a day to rest, to pray and to play. Sabbath, a day in which we cease from striving and productivity in order to be productive the other 6 days of the week. Sabbath, a day created by God for us. He took a sabbath and commands us to take one too.

Ahhhh......simply savor Sabbath...I think I'll go take a nap now.