I am a daughter of God, created in the image of the three in one community
So why am I treated as one never given immunity to the absurdity of men in my society who see no value in me.
I am like fine China, to be handled with care with celebration not crushed underfoot in exploitation.
I am deserving of compliments, not cat calls.
A gracious smile not a lustful smirk, so why am I at fault if I call you a jerk.
Open your eyes to see beauty, not what you imagine it would be like undressing me.
I am to be blessed not belittled, loved not lured.
I am to be complimented not coddled
I deserve you to be polite not patronizing
I deserve chivalry not criticism
Words quick and blunt, cut deep causing insecurity to replace safety so
I walk as one who holds my keys tight, ready to fight as I walk to my car alone at night.
I am one who longs to be looked at with delight not but not by every man in sight with greed in his eyes making me feel unwise for wearing a skirt
I am one who wants a voice to speak out when I am wronged with out a side-eyed glance that causes more harm.
I want to float down the river of life with out being told that my butt looks nice.
I want to feel safe around my brothers.
I want to be treated with respect.
I am a daughter of God, created in the image of the three in one community
So why do I have to imagine what it would be like to be treated as the queen I was meant to be.
I am strong, capable, intelligent, beautiful, worthy.
I am a leader, speaker, teacher, lover, sister, daughter and someday a mother.
I am one who is never failed by my Father even though my father failed me.
I am one who knows who she is even if she hardly believe it.
I am fine China to be handled with care in celebration, gently caressed and placed in security of knowing nothing will happen to me as long as You are by my side.
Brother, fathers, sons, men.
I am not to be messed with.
You mess with me, you mess with my Daddy.
I will respect you, love you, serve you, befriend you, marry you, take care of you - as long as you know who
I am.
This piece is written in response to two sermons that I heard today and the experience I had on the river Saturday. Both sermons were excellent. One was difficult, insightful and more challenging. The link is here if anyone ever reads this and wants to check it out. It's from Pastor Brian Sanders, who happens to be one of my favorite people and my old pastor. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xn7PDMzwAz0#t=13
I am in no way trying to hate on men. I love my brothers and have many that care for me deeply. For that I am grateful. But this is often reality in a society of brokenness. I pray we would speak up for each other and be aware.
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Blogging is over-rated
Yeah, I know. It's been a year...well, almost a year. It's not like life hasn't been happening. In fact, that's just it. Life is happening. I don't have time to write about it. Sometimes I would love to just sit and write all of my thoughts, and I do. It's called journaling. Its in a bunch of different notebooks from the past year. But even so, sometimes I am slow to journal.
I think blogging is over-rated. Which is precisely why I'm doing it right now. Ironic, I know. I think I kinda missed my page. I just wonder if we spent more time living and not worrying about what people thought about us in life if we would be over-all happier people. I stopped blogging when I realized that I was disappointed that no one commented or no one read the post. Don't say that you haven't done or thought the same thing. You have, I know it.
Anyway, this is my I don't care if anyone reads it but I felt like blogging post. So here goes...
Have you ever had those moments in life when it feels like your on a roller-coaster and no matter how many times you near the end it takes off again before you can get off? That's been my life lately. The last 2 or 3 months have really felt like that. I've cried and laughed and cried harder. I've been though some hard times in life with the loss of relationships, friendships, loved ones. But none have been like this. I don't quite understand it, but I know God is up to something.
It was only 3 months officially, 5 really and 7 total. But it felt like years. Never had conversation flowed so naturally, laughter come so easily, questions, concerns and doubts fled so quickly. And then the past came back to haunt you and it was over. But I'll never regret it, always remember it and hope to relive it in reality....someday.
They say hope deferred makes the heart sick. My heart has had the flu for 3 months. But it's recovering. Slowly. Each day it feels a little bit better, a bit stronger. Sometimes it does too much and needs time to rest. The recuperation process feels harder this time than normal. Thoughts, feelings, memories. They aren't fading. I'm not sure I want them too, but should they? I. Don't. Know. And I think I'm finally okay with that.
God has grabbed my attention with two hands, gentle but strong. I'm wrestling. But I want to surrender before he wrenches my hip like Jacob. I want to be like Joseph who, even in the midst of suffering, did not give up on God but knew that He was with him. He was the one granting favor even in the prison. Even when he was forgotten about. Joseph didn't try to get out himself. He ran from temptation, doing the right thing and ended up getting convicted for the wrong. Life is not fair. No one ever said it would be.
There are a lot of things that I could say I wish were different. But more than that I want to surrender to Jesus, the one who knows why they aren't. Do you trust me? Do you love me? Will you let me take the lead? I want my answer to be a resounding, "Yes, Lord Yes!" Right now, it's a "I want to, can you help me?"
I'm not sure if my total package got away or if there is a better one coming along. But I do know that I want to fall even more in love with Jesus and know that I can do NOTHING with out Him. I need to realize that until I am completely and utterly satisfied with Him and Him alone I will never be satisfied.
They say obedience is success in the economy of God. Well, I know breaking up was obedient. Therefore it was a successful relational move. It doesn't help the grief of loss, but I know that God rewards obedience. Now I just need to wait on His timing.
I think blogging is over-rated. Which is precisely why I'm doing it right now. Ironic, I know. I think I kinda missed my page. I just wonder if we spent more time living and not worrying about what people thought about us in life if we would be over-all happier people. I stopped blogging when I realized that I was disappointed that no one commented or no one read the post. Don't say that you haven't done or thought the same thing. You have, I know it.
Anyway, this is my I don't care if anyone reads it but I felt like blogging post. So here goes...
Have you ever had those moments in life when it feels like your on a roller-coaster and no matter how many times you near the end it takes off again before you can get off? That's been my life lately. The last 2 or 3 months have really felt like that. I've cried and laughed and cried harder. I've been though some hard times in life with the loss of relationships, friendships, loved ones. But none have been like this. I don't quite understand it, but I know God is up to something.
It was only 3 months officially, 5 really and 7 total. But it felt like years. Never had conversation flowed so naturally, laughter come so easily, questions, concerns and doubts fled so quickly. And then the past came back to haunt you and it was over. But I'll never regret it, always remember it and hope to relive it in reality....someday.
They say hope deferred makes the heart sick. My heart has had the flu for 3 months. But it's recovering. Slowly. Each day it feels a little bit better, a bit stronger. Sometimes it does too much and needs time to rest. The recuperation process feels harder this time than normal. Thoughts, feelings, memories. They aren't fading. I'm not sure I want them too, but should they? I. Don't. Know. And I think I'm finally okay with that.
God has grabbed my attention with two hands, gentle but strong. I'm wrestling. But I want to surrender before he wrenches my hip like Jacob. I want to be like Joseph who, even in the midst of suffering, did not give up on God but knew that He was with him. He was the one granting favor even in the prison. Even when he was forgotten about. Joseph didn't try to get out himself. He ran from temptation, doing the right thing and ended up getting convicted for the wrong. Life is not fair. No one ever said it would be.
There are a lot of things that I could say I wish were different. But more than that I want to surrender to Jesus, the one who knows why they aren't. Do you trust me? Do you love me? Will you let me take the lead? I want my answer to be a resounding, "Yes, Lord Yes!" Right now, it's a "I want to, can you help me?"
I'm not sure if my total package got away or if there is a better one coming along. But I do know that I want to fall even more in love with Jesus and know that I can do NOTHING with out Him. I need to realize that until I am completely and utterly satisfied with Him and Him alone I will never be satisfied.
They say obedience is success in the economy of God. Well, I know breaking up was obedient. Therefore it was a successful relational move. It doesn't help the grief of loss, but I know that God rewards obedience. Now I just need to wait on His timing.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Failed Blogging and Faith
So...it's been a month since my last blog. Sigh...
It's funny. If I actually blogged the number of times I thought about blogging, I'd have a novel written by now. But alas, I don't and then time slips through like sand in the hour glass and gone are the days of our lives.
It's amazing how much can happen in the span of 4 weeks. It feels like life happens so quickly. It seems like yesterday was January and tomorrow students are in their last week of classes. What the...!??!!
Anyway, because it's been so long I'm not even sure what to blog about. I could tell you about how I threw my back out 2 weeks ago and now have a slipped disk, but that's really no fun to talk about. I could tell you about all the "interesting" men I am supposedly compatible with on E-Harmony lately but that's not really all that exciting and more frustrating than anything.
BUT I will tell you about the sermon that Corey preached at church today, because that's what's really on my mind...
The last few weeks we've been talking about what it really means to follow Jesus based on Acts 1. Today we talked abut Faith to Follow What We Can Not See. Points - Believe What We Can Not See; Believe What We Have Not Seen; Believe What We May Not See. It's this last one that got me the most. Can I believe and have faith knowing that I may never see it in my life time. It's easy to believe what I can see, touch, taste, feel - but then again, that's not really belief - it doesn't take faith to believe what's sitting in front of you. I feel like my faith meter has been riding pretty much on empty lately. My prayer life certainly isn't filling it up. There are so many things I need to be trusting God for but I feel like I've given up a little. I still believe, I know God can do it, but I feel like it is a lot easier to rely on what I see or what I know can happen. I want faith to believe that God can bring me a husband...but can I believe God for a spouse knowing that I may not see it? I want faith to believe that God can provide for my every need, that he can provide the $17,500 I need for next year to be fully funded. But it feels hard when I don't see the 15 new donors at $100/month that I need. I want faith to believe that God can fully heal my back and restore it to how it is supposed to be. But it feels hard when I go to move or bend and it just aches and feels compressed all the time. I want faith to believe that God can do anything I ask for that aligns with his will but I'm not even sure what his will is right now.
I feel like the disciples - oh you of little faith. Jesus has done it before, there is no reason why he can't or won't do it again. I trust that God really does have my best interest in mind, but I just can't see it right now. Oh Lord, help my unbelief. Grow my faith. All I need is faith the size of a mustard seed...so small and yet if I just have that, I can tell the mountain to throw it self into the sea and it will happen. Increase my faith. I need faith, because with out faith it is impossible to please you, God. With out faith, I am nothing. I feel like I'm failing in faith, Lord. Only with you can I succeed. Help me to have faith...
It's funny. If I actually blogged the number of times I thought about blogging, I'd have a novel written by now. But alas, I don't and then time slips through like sand in the hour glass and gone are the days of our lives.
It's amazing how much can happen in the span of 4 weeks. It feels like life happens so quickly. It seems like yesterday was January and tomorrow students are in their last week of classes. What the...!??!!
Anyway, because it's been so long I'm not even sure what to blog about. I could tell you about how I threw my back out 2 weeks ago and now have a slipped disk, but that's really no fun to talk about. I could tell you about all the "interesting" men I am supposedly compatible with on E-Harmony lately but that's not really all that exciting and more frustrating than anything.
BUT I will tell you about the sermon that Corey preached at church today, because that's what's really on my mind...
The last few weeks we've been talking about what it really means to follow Jesus based on Acts 1. Today we talked abut Faith to Follow What We Can Not See. Points - Believe What We Can Not See; Believe What We Have Not Seen; Believe What We May Not See. It's this last one that got me the most. Can I believe and have faith knowing that I may never see it in my life time. It's easy to believe what I can see, touch, taste, feel - but then again, that's not really belief - it doesn't take faith to believe what's sitting in front of you. I feel like my faith meter has been riding pretty much on empty lately. My prayer life certainly isn't filling it up. There are so many things I need to be trusting God for but I feel like I've given up a little. I still believe, I know God can do it, but I feel like it is a lot easier to rely on what I see or what I know can happen. I want faith to believe that God can bring me a husband...but can I believe God for a spouse knowing that I may not see it? I want faith to believe that God can provide for my every need, that he can provide the $17,500 I need for next year to be fully funded. But it feels hard when I don't see the 15 new donors at $100/month that I need. I want faith to believe that God can fully heal my back and restore it to how it is supposed to be. But it feels hard when I go to move or bend and it just aches and feels compressed all the time. I want faith to believe that God can do anything I ask for that aligns with his will but I'm not even sure what his will is right now.
I feel like the disciples - oh you of little faith. Jesus has done it before, there is no reason why he can't or won't do it again. I trust that God really does have my best interest in mind, but I just can't see it right now. Oh Lord, help my unbelief. Grow my faith. All I need is faith the size of a mustard seed...so small and yet if I just have that, I can tell the mountain to throw it self into the sea and it will happen. Increase my faith. I need faith, because with out faith it is impossible to please you, God. With out faith, I am nothing. I feel like I'm failing in faith, Lord. Only with you can I succeed. Help me to have faith...
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Dinner for One
I love to cook. I know that I've mentioned it before, but I really do. I find cooking to be a therapeutic, creative outlet.
Mostly I cook for myself. Some people are super impressed that I put just as much effort into cooking for myself as I do when I am cooking for friends. I don't understand. I mean, aren't I worth a good meal? I think that I am.
I know a lot of single people - both men and women - that say they'll start cooking when they get married. Or maybe if they have people over, maybe they'll cook then. But I don't want to wait. Last I checked the Lord had not promised me a husband and there are no men running to be in line (that I know of!). And as much as I love to have friends over, it's not quite as often as I would like. I don't want to be a sandwich and cereal kinda girl. I love being a foodie and I will not hold off my foodie qualities until prince charming rides into town and falls off his horse, tripping over himself to sit down in my kitchen.
If I had more time I would cook even more.
I was thinking about this today, partly - to be perfectly honest - because I thought about the quote, " A way to a man's heart is through his stomach" while I was making dinner tonight. I laughed and thought to myself, it's the way to my heart too!
And I smiled as I continued to breath in the aroma of garlic and onions. I would love to have a husband to feed. One day maybe I will. Until then I will tantalize my taste buds and those of friends with mouthwatering delectable kitchen creations.
Here's what I made for myself this weekend... (Not pictured: Dulce de Leche Crepes with strawberry compote that I made Saturday night for dessert...maybe I'll have it again, I have extra crepes!)
Mostly I cook for myself. Some people are super impressed that I put just as much effort into cooking for myself as I do when I am cooking for friends. I don't understand. I mean, aren't I worth a good meal? I think that I am.
I know a lot of single people - both men and women - that say they'll start cooking when they get married. Or maybe if they have people over, maybe they'll cook then. But I don't want to wait. Last I checked the Lord had not promised me a husband and there are no men running to be in line (that I know of!). And as much as I love to have friends over, it's not quite as often as I would like. I don't want to be a sandwich and cereal kinda girl. I love being a foodie and I will not hold off my foodie qualities until prince charming rides into town and falls off his horse, tripping over himself to sit down in my kitchen.
If I had more time I would cook even more.
I was thinking about this today, partly - to be perfectly honest - because I thought about the quote, " A way to a man's heart is through his stomach" while I was making dinner tonight. I laughed and thought to myself, it's the way to my heart too!
And I smiled as I continued to breath in the aroma of garlic and onions. I would love to have a husband to feed. One day maybe I will. Until then I will tantalize my taste buds and those of friends with mouthwatering delectable kitchen creations.
Here's what I made for myself this weekend... (Not pictured: Dulce de Leche Crepes with strawberry compote that I made Saturday night for dessert...maybe I'll have it again, I have extra crepes!)
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| Squash, Zucchini, Green Beans, Red Onion, Spinach, EVOO, 2 Cloves Chopped Garlic |
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| Topped with a Thai Peanut Sauce (recipe is surprisingly easy for the sauce)...divine! |
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| Spinach, Garlic, Asparagus, and Soy Cheese wrapped in homemade crepes...yummy! |
Friday, February 24, 2012
Pin My Interest
Pinterest is a beautiful thing. I'm not quite addicted, but I have to watch myself because it's tempting! Last weekend was a pinterest weekend. It was dreary and rainy outside and happy, cheery, crafty inside!!
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| My blank Canvas |
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| Flowerly petals |
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| a work in progress |
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| All done!! See inspiration here |
Tonight I created my own pinterest to post. Since December I have been dairy free. I've been feeling sooo much better. This decision was due to 2 things...
1. Every time i ate dairy I got ridiculously bloated and constipated...not cool
2. My mom told me that I was allergic to milk as a baby...really mom!?! 32 years later you decide to tell me this!
Anyway, since being diary free I've been looking for some alternatives for cheese, milk etc. For the most part I just eat different things that taste just fine with out dairy but lately I've been craving pizza. So I googled Vegan Pizza and found that a lot of people where diggin Daiya as a good cheese alternative. It was great! It was cheesy and melty and made me happy that I could make pizza...
Here's my tasty pizza creation
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| I started with a Roasted Herb Pizza Crust from Whole Foods and drizzled a little EVOO and some kosher salt |
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| as an alternative to pepperoni I used Turkey Salami on top of my garlic and onion Newman's Own sauce. The man at Whole Foods recommended that I put the salami under the cheese so that it wouldn't dry out! |
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| I then added my new best friend, Daiya shreds |
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| Red Onions, Mushrooms, Kalmatta Olives, Minced Garlic and Spinach were my other toppings of choice for the evening |
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| Add a glass of White Zinfandel and dinner is served...look at how melty the cheese is!! |
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Nothing but everything
I want to blog. Really I do. But right now I am exhausted. I thought today would be a good day to blog because I wasn't on campus until 11pm. But instead I cooked dinner will 9:30pm watched 2 episodes of House on hulu and am now staring at my computer falling asleep. But I did want to share my top 5 cool things that are happening/have happened this week...
1. Had over 90 students come to large group for a another week in a row!
2. Got to have coffee with my new friend Maruxa today
3. I made a yummy pinterest recipe for dinner
4. My friend Melissa go us tickets to see Wicked tomorrow afternoon!
5. Friday I am on a plane to San Jose for my friend Sabrina's wedding!!!
There is much more I could say, but I really am about to fall asleep!
Good night world.
1. Had over 90 students come to large group for a another week in a row!
2. Got to have coffee with my new friend Maruxa today
3. I made a yummy pinterest recipe for dinner
4. My friend Melissa go us tickets to see Wicked tomorrow afternoon!
5. Friday I am on a plane to San Jose for my friend Sabrina's wedding!!!
There is much more I could say, but I really am about to fall asleep!
Good night world.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Decisions and Static Cling
Sometimes decisions can be detrimental. They make me crazy. I get anxious and fidgety. I hate being indecisive. But alas it happens. But not anymore, well at least not for this decision. I made mention in my last blog that I have decided to stay in Austin and with InterVarsity. Since making this decision a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel free, happy, passionate and at peace. Sure there are some parts that feel a twinge bittersweet but the sweetness is outweighing the bitter.
There is something about making a decision that is empowering, emboldening and enlightening. The answer sits before you, you know what you should do and when you reach out for it, grab it and say, This is it - it just feels right.
Making this decision has made me turn to the Lord even more. Every morning I've been waking up mostly with out my alarm. I love this. I love awaking gently and wanting to get up with out being shocked out of sleep by some annoying technological devise that is trying to rule my life. Every morning I've sat up slowly, told Jesus good morning and gone straight into prayer. It's not even conscience, it just happens. I think my heart, mind and soul are just longing for a little more of God and it's been so good.
This little, simple morning routine is changing the way I see my day, the way I do my work, the way I interact with people. I don't want to lose this. I pray I wouldn't lose this.
I pray it would stick with me like my clothes stuck together this morning. Sigh...I transition...
So, do you remember the commercial where the girl had on a cute skirt with a sock stuck on the back. It was a commercial for Bounce. I use bounce. I love dryer sheets and fabric softener. I've never been with out it. My mom has a list of alternative for dryer sheets hanging up in her laundry room at home. But this morning I had no dryer sheets. I should have asked Munirah to borrow her fabric softener. But I thought, it'll be fine. I wish I had remembered the commercial then. I knew something was wrong when I pulled one thing out of the dryer and three other things came with it. I knew something was wrong when I heard gentle crackling in my clothes. Oh the sound of static electricity. If I were an elementary school teacher who was getting ready for a lesson this would have been exciting, but it wasn't and I'm not. I guess I need to put dryer sheets or fabric softener on my grocery list...which by the way is filling up with food items for recipes found on Pintrest...but that's for another entry.
There is something about making a decision that is empowering, emboldening and enlightening. The answer sits before you, you know what you should do and when you reach out for it, grab it and say, This is it - it just feels right.
Making this decision has made me turn to the Lord even more. Every morning I've been waking up mostly with out my alarm. I love this. I love awaking gently and wanting to get up with out being shocked out of sleep by some annoying technological devise that is trying to rule my life. Every morning I've sat up slowly, told Jesus good morning and gone straight into prayer. It's not even conscience, it just happens. I think my heart, mind and soul are just longing for a little more of God and it's been so good.
This little, simple morning routine is changing the way I see my day, the way I do my work, the way I interact with people. I don't want to lose this. I pray I wouldn't lose this.
I pray it would stick with me like my clothes stuck together this morning. Sigh...I transition...
So, do you remember the commercial where the girl had on a cute skirt with a sock stuck on the back. It was a commercial for Bounce. I use bounce. I love dryer sheets and fabric softener. I've never been with out it. My mom has a list of alternative for dryer sheets hanging up in her laundry room at home. But this morning I had no dryer sheets. I should have asked Munirah to borrow her fabric softener. But I thought, it'll be fine. I wish I had remembered the commercial then. I knew something was wrong when I pulled one thing out of the dryer and three other things came with it. I knew something was wrong when I heard gentle crackling in my clothes. Oh the sound of static electricity. If I were an elementary school teacher who was getting ready for a lesson this would have been exciting, but it wasn't and I'm not. I guess I need to put dryer sheets or fabric softener on my grocery list...which by the way is filling up with food items for recipes found on Pintrest...but that's for another entry.
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